It is surprising to learn the impact that culture has on communication. What is considered polite for one demographic group of people could be interpreted as quite offensive for others. And I would find it safe to assume we are all affected by it on a daily basis.
A few years ago I had to work with an offshore team of developers located in India. My task was to perform a quality assurance check on documentation they have written before initiating development. When I was sending my feedback, many times they responded by referring to me as ‘boss’. That was weird for me, as I was not their supervisor or person in higher authority. Quickly I got frustrated by being called ‘the boss’ all the time, and one day I complained to my team leader. She had to smile as it was common for them to use the word ‘boss’ as form of courtesy. At their end there was some irritation on how I voiced my refusal for being called ‘the boss’. Luckily we were able to have a good laugh about that afterwards.
Closer to home, mainland Europeans sometimes misinterpret the British ‘please’ culture as insincere. In return the British citizens often consider people rude when they do not ‘please’ them. Of course these feelings normally remain under the radar. It is no wonder that many mannerisms are wrongly translated by different cultures. It is a generous source of material for comedians. The HSBC has made it their trademark to enlarge the difference in value systems in their advertisement campaigns (
http://www.hsbc.com/1/2/about/advertising).
It was the author Margaret Elisabeth Sangster who said “in the whole round of human affairs little is so fatal to peace as misunderstanding”. So true. It is interesting to see how much time is wasted on the work floor to repair damaged relationships between colleagues due to misunderstandings. Not addressing these issues promptly could have devastating negative effects on moral and productivity.
The past years I have become more aware that a safeguarded approach towards any form of communication is preferable. Nowadays it would be an extreme rare occasion when I respond with emotional statements in formal communication. Especially because it is seen as a sign of weakness. On the other hand I take any opportunity to verbally applaud any noticeable achievements by colleagues and I am more than willing to share those achievements amongst team members. Hopefully others will embrace my accomplishments before I can’t resist to highlighting them myself. The most difficult step was to overcome my pride and openly say sorry when appropriate. An apology can go a long way, whereas stubbornness is a silent killer.
But as we are all human, we do respond through expressing emotion. And it depends on our mood whether we can resist the temptation of joining the blame culture that constantly is rearing its ugly head.
It would be a major step forward when we all acknowledge and understand that we have to face communicative challenges constantly. But when you are in the middle of a clash of opinions, try and find a way to step out of the war of words and other ‘entertaining’ forms of idiosyncrasy.
What if we agree to implement some conventional politeness in emails? Which rules would you advocate?
Let me take the first step by listing a few recommendations:
- Stick to the facts and try to focus on arguments.
- When that is a challenge then make sure you at least avoid negative emotional statements and “CAPITAL” LETTERS!!!
- When temptation is still rife to blow a fuse, then you can always resort to kill with kindness. It soothes miraculously.
- It does not hurt to reread your message and correct misspellings. Obvioisly.
- Imagine you are the recipient and ask yourself whether you would be compelled to take the desired action.
- Protect your integrity by imagining that you are able to say it face to face to your addressees without feeling awkward.
- In all cases keep it short when you want your target audience to read it.
- Only press the send button when you are able to distance yourself from any negative feelings.
- By then you may agree that it is better to call instead.
The list is not infinite. You may have many more suggestions. If so, then please let me know.
The objective is to ensure that you will be remembered as a professional. Reputations are shattered in seconds. One of the mark remark and it gets redistributed for all the wrong reasons. Bad vibes resonate for a long time.
I know from experience.
Isard Haasakker.
